Keeping Secrets
by this-book-has-been-loved
Summary: Pidge and Hunk meet up for a study session in Hunk's room. Pidge finds a familiar book in Hunk's bookcase. For Platonic VLD Week: Impulse/Restraint.


"Well," Lance proclaimed, strutting out of the classroom with his hands folded behind his head. "I think that went well."

Walking a half-step ahead of him, Pidge rolled their eyes. "Not really."

"Whaddya say, guys? Another successful run in the simulator?"

"Hardly," Pidge replied. "You crashed ten minutes in."

"Yeah!" Lance agreed with a smile. "That's longer than usual."

On the other side of Lance, Hunk shrugged. "He does have a point there."

Lance threw one arm around Hunk's shoulders and the other around Pidge's. "C'mon guys, let's celebrate. We never _do_ anything, the three of us. Let's go hang out!"

Pidge shook their head, pulling away from Lance's grasp. "Can't," they said tartly. "Busy."

Lance rolled his eyes. "You're _always_ busy!" he complained. "Come on, what is it that's so important that you can't hang out with your best friends?"

"For your information," they said cooly, "I actually have a test to study for."

"You? _Study?_ " He raised an eyebrow. "Pidge, you're a genius; since when do _you_ study?"

They pursed their lips. "This subject may not be my best, okay?" they snapped.

Lance held up his hands surrender. "That's fine! There's nothing wrong with that. Sorry, sorry."

"What class?" Hunk asked. "If you don't mind my asking."

Pidge sulked, curling up on themself, self-conscious. "Physics," they muttered. They _hated_ that. They hated that the class they needed to study for was _Physics_. That was supposed to come naturally to them! Their mom was an astrophysicist, for crying out loud! And both their dad and their brother had gone into aerospace engineering.

But Physics was always more Matt's thing. He'd taken to it so easily, whereas Pidge was more into robotics and coding. He'd promised to help them when it was their turn to attend the Garrison. But now, of course, that wouldn't be able to happen.

Neither Lance nor Hunk seemed too surprised by Pidge's confession. Hunk merely none in understanding. "Oh, with Professor Montgomery, right?"

Pidge paused, wondering how much to open up. "Yeah."

"Thought so. I've got that test tomorrow, too. It's gonna be brutal."

Lance nudged him. "You worried?"

Hunk shrugged, flushing. "Not really, I guess. Physics is kind of my thing." He glanced back towards Pidge. "Ya know, if you need any help studying, I'd be happy to help you out."

Pidge stilled, absently tapping their finger against the strap of their backpack. "Yeah?"

"Yeah, of course! What time do you get off your last class?"

"Four-fifteen," they replied.

"Perfect!" Hunk enthused. "Just swing by my room then! I get out at three-thirty. Is that okay?"

Pidge blinked in surprise. This was all moving a bit fast for them to process. "Really?"

"Yeah, of course! Meet at my room around four-thirty?"

Lance huffed, rolling his eyes. "You nerds, and your study date." He slung an arm around Pidge's shoulder again. "Well, now that your studying thing is taken care of, I'm thinking lunch?"

* * *

Pidge knocked on the door to Hunk's room at four-twenty.

"Oh, hey!" Hunk said, opening the door. "You're early!"

Pidge paused, uncertain. "Sorry—"

"No, no, that's fine!" he insisted. "Come on in! Just give me a sec to get ready."

He opened the door wider, stepping aside so Pidge could come in. He walked over to his desk, fumbling around his notebooks.

Pidge stepped inside hesitantly, looking around the dorm room. "Where's Lance?"

"Class," Hunk replied. "He doesn't have Physics anyway." He reached into his backpack, pulling out a textbook. "Are you okay with studying in here? Or would you rather head to the library or something? We can do whatever you'd prefer—"

"It's fine," they hastened to assure him, setting down their bag.

Silence fell, and Pidge shifted uncomfortably.

They looked over towards the bookcase. "Are these yours?"

"Mostly, yeah," Hunk replied. "A few are Lance's. But yeah, most of them are mine." He turned around to glance at Pidge over his shoulder. "You're totally welcome to borrow them, if you want!"

They nodded absently, their eyes wandering over the spines. _The Physics of Flight_ , _The Ultimate Science-Engineering Encyclopedia_ , _A Study of Singularity_ , _Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone_ , _Space Manifold Dynamics_ , _Lost Stars_ , _Heliophysics_ ….

They stilled as their eyes fell onto one of the books. _Going Beyond Terrestrial Engineering_.

They were reaching towards it before they even realized, their fingers gently tapping the spine before they pulled it free.

The cover showed an image of the Space Station. _Going Beyond Terrestrial Engineering_ , read the title. _By Dr Samuel Holt_.

Their hands were shaking.

"Oh, that's a good one!"

Pidge jumped a bit, startled back into reality at the sound of Hunk's voice. "Yeah?"

"Yeah, man, it's one of my favorites!" His eyes were bright, and he smiled at Pidge widely. "You know, that book is the reason I ended up enrolling at the Garrison at all."

Their hands clenched the book tightly. "Really?"

"Mm-hmm." He nodded. "I was always into engineering, but I was more of a land-based guy, ya know? I hung out at the library a lot during junior high and high school. I'd read all their books on engineering. Then in my sophomore year, the librarian recommended this one to me." His expression was fond, reminiscing. "It was a bit different than what I normally read, so I was hesitant at first. But _wow!_ " He shook his head. "I couldn't put it down! After that, I started looking more into aerospace engineering. And I checked out that book so many times, I eventually just bought my own copy." He laughed. "That book changed my life."

Pidge wasn't breathing quite right. Their breaths came in short gasps as they struggled desperately to hold themself together.

"The author is a _genius_ ," Hunk continued. "Dr Samuel Holt. After I read that one, I looked up and read everything else he'd written. He's brilliant! Did you know he used to work here? God, I'd have _loved_ to meet him! I mean, just meeting him was part of the reason I enrolled here." He paused, sobering. "But…I mean…he was on the Kerberos mission, and…we all know what happened there."

"Yeah," Pidge rasped. Their knuckles had gone white from holding the book so tightly. They felt as though at any moment they might drop it, so they clutched it like a lifeline, hugging it to their chest.

If Hunk noticed that Pidge was acting a bit strange, he didn't say anything. "Anyways, if it weren't for this book, I never would've enrolled at the Garrison, which means I never would have met Lance and you. Like I said: changed my life." He smiled at them. "You're more than welcome to borrow it!"

Pidge couldn't help themself. The tears started to spill over, and suddenly they were sobbing before they knew it.

Hunk's smile fell, and he reached out towards them. "Oh my god, Pidge, are you okay?" He was pulling them into a hug, talking a mile a minute. "I'm sorry, did I say something wrong? Gosh, I didn't mean to upset you, I'm sorry, Pidge."

Pidge sobbed, desperate to calm down. " _God_ ," they gasped. Their hands grabbed at his shirt, clenching their fists tightly. The book was sandwiched between their chest and Hunk's. " _He would have loved you_."

Hunk's gentle patting on their back slowed. "I—what?"

Pidge pulled away from his hug, wiping at their eyes frantically. They held the book under one arm, refusing to let go of it. "I—"

 _How much to tell him—don't open up—keep it all a secret—show some goddamned_ _ **restraint**_ _, Katie._

He shook off his momentary confusion, reaching towards them again. "I'm sorry, Pidge, I'm sorry—"

"It's fine," they interrupted. "Really, Hunk, I'm fine."

"Clearly you're not." He was watching their face carefully, concern etched across his features. "Did I say something wrong? Do you need anything?"

"I—" they gasped, wiping at their eyes as they shook their head. "No, Hunk, that's my _dad_."

It slipped out of them before they even knew what they were saying, and they froze as their words caught up with them.

In front of them, Hunk had frozen as well. "Wait." Pidge could pretty much _see_ the gears turning in his head. "Your _dad_ …is Dr Holt? From…." His eyes widened and he froze. "From the Kerberos mission, oh my god, Pidge, I'm so sorry."

"It's fine, it's fine," they rushed. "I just. Wow. Um." They took a deep breath, trying to steady themself. "What you said about him. That was really sweet, Hunk. Just. Reminded me how much I miss him."

 _Don't figure it out, don't figure to out, don't figure it out._

"I'm sorry," he said again.

"Don't be," they murmured. "God, Hunk, he'd have loved you."

Pidge glanced down at the book they still held, resisting the urge to open it to the back flap, to the _About the Author_ blurb.

"Do you, uh, want to talk about it at all?"

"Not really."

"Okay." He paused. "Should we, uh, start studying…?"

"In a minute."

"Yeah, yeah, of course."

They fell into silence, as Pidge worked to steady their breathing.

"Hey." Hunk said. "Can I ask you something?"

"Can't guarantee an answer," Pidge replied. "But go ahead?"

"Um. Well. If your dad…is Dr Holt…then why is your last name Gunderson?"

 _Shit_.

"You can't tell anyone about this," they insisted firmly. "No one, okay? Not even Lance. If Iverson finds out I'm here…."

"What do you mean?"

Pidge shook their head. "Hunk, I have a very unique situation. I'm here with a fake name and a fake story, and Iverson _can't_ find out, okay? It's—it's important."

"Yeah, yeah, okay," he promised, holding up his hands. "Um. I won't ask. But, yeah. Your secret is safe with me?"

They relaxed, if only a bit. "Thanks, Hunk."

"Of course."

Again, there was silence, both of them with their eyes locked on the book still resting in Pidge's hand.

"So," Hunk asked hesitantly. "Uh…have you read it?"

Pidge chuckled dryly. "Parts of it," they confessed. "Wasn't really my thing, though. But I can see why you'd like it."

"I meant what I said, ya know," he said quietly. "That book changed my life. I'd have loved to meet him."

"He'd have loved to meet you too," Pidge whispered. They took a deep breath. "I'm sorry, for like, dumping all my emotions on you and stuff."

"No, no, you don't have to apologize!" he hastened to say. "I'm sorry for, like, forcing that out of you."

"You didn't force out anything," they told him. "That was all me."

"You're still welcome to borrow it," he said. "The book, I mean. If you want to."

Pidge smiled, shaking their head as they pressed the book into his hands. "I have copies at home," they told him. "You keep it."

After a moment, he set the book down on his desk. "You sure you're okay?"

"I'll be fine," they promised. "Um, hey, if it's alright, do you think maybe we could skip on that study session? I'm not sure I'm really feeling up to it."

"Yeah, of course, that's totally fine, don't worry about it!" He still seemed a bit awkward, a bit flustered. "Um, do you need anything?"

They shook their head gently. "Thanks, Hunk, but I'm okay."

"Okay. Well, let me know if that changes, or something."

Pidge nodded, then, after a pause, reached out to hug him. Surprised, he wrapped his arms around them, and they buried their face in his chest. "Thank you," they murmured. "You're the best, Hunk."

"Aw," he cooed. "Thanks, Pidge."

Pidge pulled away. "Alright. Well. I should, um, get going." They reached down to pick up their backpack off the floor.

"Right," he replied. "Uh, good to see you?"

Pidge laughed. "See you in class tomorrow."

"See ya."

They left, closing the door behind them.

Hunk stood in his room alone, letting the events of the past few minutes sink in. His eyes fell on the book, lying on his desk, and reached towards it. He picked it up, quietly flipping through the pages till it fell open to the back cover. The smiling face of Dr Samuel Holt stared at him.

 _Pidge's dad._

In fact, now that he really looked, he could definitely see the resemblance. They had the same smile.

Hunk skimmed the _About the Author_ blurb, the same little paragraph he'd read over and over before. _Graduated with a degree in aerospace engineering…works as an engineer and astronaut with the Galaxy Garrison…married to astrophysicist Dr Colleen Holt…two kids, Matthew and Katherine…._

Wait.

Matthew and Katherine.

Hunk frowned. Matthew, he recognized. That was the name of one of the other officers on the Kerberos mission. And, looking back on it, he could remember times when Pidge would start to mention something about a brother, before quickly clamming up.

But…Katherine?

He put the book down, opening his laptop to a browser window. After a moment's hesitation, he typed in the name _Katherine Holt_.

A few articles popped up, published around the time of the Kerberos disaster. He opened one, and was presented with a photograph of the Holt family.

He paused, staring at Katherine.

Oh.

Oh _shit_.

* * *

 **AN** :

Hey guys

Look at this! I wrote a thing!

Written for Platonic VLD Week Day 1. Prompt: Impulse/Restraint

I was really upset that I didn't participate in Platonic VLD Week last time (instead, I just sat around and read _everything_ ) but I actually managed to do it this time! Hopefully, I'll be able to keep with it for the rest of the week :D

But, as I do have a full-time job, we'll see.

Thanks for reading! 3

~ Brigit

(PS: I got an ask on tumblr about those deleted scenes I mentioned at the the end of _Singularity_. I'm getting to that, I promise! I just need to clean it up a bit. Sorry, things have just been really hectic lately.)


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